Fighting with yourself is a battle you can never win
For a large part of my life, I’ve been fighting depression, struggling with insecurities and worrying about fitting in.To be honest, I’ve been in denial and fighting against myself since puberty. Last year, I hid rock bottom. I was so tired of fighting, I gave in and collapsed, submerging in a serious depression. The world looked so dark back then. It was a rough year, struggling to overcome the depression. Now, looking back after 10 months of intensive group therapy, I’m actually kinda glad I collapsed last year. It left me with no other option than to get out of denial and go into therapy. Being back to work again fulltime and for the first time ever really enjoying my life, last year is a year to cherish for ever!
Cherishing my depression
Overcoming my depression was a long and difficult journey. I got in touch with my emotions and learned about the power of destructive thoughts. I became skilled in using my thoughts in a positive way. It was difficult and hard work, but the most challenging was to step outside the comfort of the familiarity of depression. This may sound strange if you haven’t dealt with depression. But the destructive thought trains were such a second nature that, even though I hated being depressed, it was difficult to leave my depression behind.
In a way my depression had become a comfort zone, all I had known for a long time, and it was scary as hell to let go of it. For a while I was torn apart by it. One part of me wanted to let go of the depression and everything that came with it. The other part kept pulling me back as hard as possible the closer I came to taking the leap of faith into my new life. Realising that the only one keeping me back was me and visualising it in this drawing during creative therapy, helped me taking my leap of faith. And I haven’t regret it ever since!
The most precious thing I ever let go of
Without a doubt I can state that the most precious thing I ever let go of, is my depression. I have lost my fear of rejection and no longer worry about fitting in. I believe in myself and I’m no longer my own worst critic. Nowadays, I enjoy fluttering through life!
This post is my response to the Daily Prompt of The Daily Post from 23 October 2012:
Write about the most precious thing you’ve ever lost